Rumple frowned, confused by Baelfire’s priorities - he didn’t think he would be so concerned by Rumple losing his memories so much that it would outweigh the fact he was finally upholding their deal and going to a place where his magic would be inaccessible.
“By myself? Well…I don’t know. No one had tried, really. Belle and the dwarf didn’t seem to regain any of their memories on their own over time, they simply came to accept, somewhat, what we told them. Maybe? Perhaps being told who I am and living with the people who I had those memories with would trigger some recollection of my own but…I honestly can’t say for sure. I can say for sure I would lose all my memories the moment I step over the town line, yes. But those memories…are all bad ones. Aren’t they? Seems a small price to pay to make better ones.”
Rumple took a step back from his son then, looking confused. “I don’t understand your concern, Bae. This was the deal we made, the one you hated me for not upholding. I know I’m a little late in doing so, but I’m honouring our agreement now.” Perhaps that was just it though, Rumple thought to himself, perhaps he was too late. Perhaps this isn’t what his son wanted anymore. It had been a long time since they made that deal, and things had changed. Bae had changed. Maybe he didn’t want to have a father anymore. Maybe he’d missed his chance to be a father to him.
But those memories are all bad ones.
Were they, really? Had there not been a time, before Rumpelstiltskin had defeated the Dark One and taken the creature’s powers for himself, where they were happy? Perhaps his father had never been happy without the magic to protect himself and his son. And that is what made the entire difference between the two of them; Baelfire had been truly happy, even with the absence of his mother. Despite their poverty, he had never wanted for anything, and his father had taken good care of him. It wasn’t until the magic came into play that things started going horribly downhill.
"Were you really never happy without magic?”
Maybe the magic had made him forget about Milah, Neal reasoned. The way it had seemed, the power had overtaken him like a strong, addicting drug. And perhaps that was just what had made it so attractive to him; eventually, he’d lost track of things that really mattered. He reckoned that included the unhappy memories as well.
“That’s exactly the reason why I declined your offer to turn me into a kid again, y'know, aside from the magic. I don’t wanna lose my memories, they made me who I am today.”
And somewhere deep down inside, he didn’t want to risk his father losing their shared good memories, either. Besides, a slightly bitter thought in the back of his mind told him that the option of dodging out of all the bad memories he’d created for himself was rather cowardly, too. He had to live with the choices he had made, whether he liked the consequences or not. But he didn’t mention that out loud; his father was finally showing goodwill to oblige to his request for him to change. That at least meant something to him.
