Before the guilt of Baelfire’s recount of how he had spent his life on the streets and fighting on his own could grip Rumple’s heart tighter, the man’s cutting remark that he would rather have died in the wars than live with everything the Dark One had done to find his son again.
Rumple opened his mouth to respond, but found no words to throw back, no defence he could shield himself with. After all…what defence was there? He had broken his promise to his son and left him to fend for himself in an alien land; In that split second of weakness he had become just like his own father, despite his years of efforts to ensure he never did the same as Malcolm.
Rumple tried to speak again, but once again found nothing, his throat tightened with guilt and, for the first time in many years, helplessness. He didn’t know what to do, what he could do. It seemed that for all his powers, this was the one thing he couldn’t do.
Tears prickling his eyes, Rumple looked at the floor, suddenly feeling the crushing weight of every one of his son’s words.
“…I-I’m sorry…” He managed to say, though he knew those words, however true, would never be enough. He would have to keep fighting, keep trying, even if it amounted to nothing, he had to try.
It was all that had kept him alive.
I’m sorry. How many times had Neal heard those exact words before, spoken by his father and losing meaning each time he uttered them? They seemed sincere now, at least more sincere than they had been on various occasions in the past, but they did nothing to change Neal’s mood. He was bitter to the core, and it would take a very drastic change for that to even gradually fade away.
Producing a deep sigh of frustration, Neal shook his head, averting his gaze from his father for the longest moment in attempt to gather his thoughts. Their argument was plainly impossible, mostly due to the fact that neither of them were willing to admit to their wrongdoings, not fully at least. And they weren’t going to get very far if the situation remained the same.
“You do whatever you were plannin’ to do, I’ll make sure to check in. But if you ever lash out at me like that again, you can damn well recover your memories by yourself.”
