She gripped onto Neal, she couldn’t bear to lose him, not again. This was not happening again. It had been bad to lose him when he left her, when he tried to do right by her and send her home. She had lost him a second time when he fell through that portal to his apparent death, and that had been painful. Telling Henry his father was dead, all of the pain she felt inside because of him just coming to the surface. But he had been alive, and they had been reunited albeit briefly because they had lost each other once more. But at least she didn’t remember getting him back, she had lived a year believing Neal had never loved her.
But as soon as her memories came back and she realized what had happened, and that he wasn’t in town, it was just as bad. It was why she had been worried about him, and she was losing him again. Tears swelled in her eyes as she tried to think of what could work. How could Gold not fix this? Why had Neal done this? Why couldn’t he just have waited, why was he leaving her again. And this time it was going to be for good. How was she supposed to survive losing him again. Losing him forever. Her tears began to flow, “Please don’t leave me” she mumbled to him, pressing his face closer to her cheek, the wetness of her tears probably dropping onto his face. “I can’t lose you again” they were supposed to find that Tallahassee. What they had been talking about moments before he collapsed. “Please don’t go”
For the largest part of his life, Neal had been fighting. Fighting to stay alive, fighting the shadows of his past—everything had been one endless maelstrom of struggles and tests. At first, it had all seemed rather pointless to him, and though he wasn’t the type to give up all that easily, stubborn as he was, it appeared as though he continued to fight without having a reason to do so. And then there was Emma.
Life with Emma hadn’t been all sunshine and rainbows, but it was the best thing that had happened to him, that is, until he was introduced to Henry. With a family of his own, he had a reason to fight once more, but fighting didn’t necessarily mean survival; not in this situation. So much had happened, and after everything, the one thing he wanted most was for her and the kid to have the happy ending he knew he was never destined to have. No impeding on their life together in hopes of getting some happiness for himself—just a guarantee that Emma and Henry would be safe. And with this last action of sacrifice, he sincerely hoped he had found just that.
“Go find Tallahassee, even if it’s without me. Just promise me—you’ll both be happy.”
And with Emma’s confirmation of that promise, and his own promise to watch over the both of them, he could feel himself slipping away. It was disappointing, really, that his life should end in darkness. There was nothing exciting, no light at the end of the tunnel, no loved ones waiting for him. Just darkness, void of thought, void of anything. For a moment, he felt as though he had taken a leap down an endless pitfall, because he could feel gravity pulling him somewhere, there just wasn’t any hint as to where he was going.
And then it started raining. A few drops, at first, and they landed on his face, but after what felt like a mere second, rain came pouring down as though the clouds had opened above his head. Clouds? There weren’t any clouds where he resided now—how could it be raining? It took him the longest moment to realize the water was filling his lungs, and it tasted salty—not quite unlike sea water, but not quite as strong a taste, either. More like—
His memory flashed back, then, to a time where he had found Emma, seated on the bed of a motel room they’d broken into just hours before. He had gone out to run an errand, which meant he was going to attempt to get a good haul at the nearest convenience store, and when he came back, he found her with a tear-stained face. She must’ve heard him shuffle into the room, because she forcibly stopped the shocking of her shoulders and the sobbing, but he couldn’t help but notice a tear that rolled down her cheek the moment he sat down next to her. He placed a finger on her chin, catching the tear in its trail, and that’s when her facade broke again.
“I can’t do this—I wasn’t cut out for this. How long’ll we be on the run for?”
Those were the words that would eventually give him all the confirmation that he needed; they were going to settle down together, far from all the trouble of a life on the run and far from their shared ghosts of the past. In stead of frowning then, he cupped her chin with a single hand and kissed her tears from her cheeks until there were none left. They tasted salty.
“Of course you can. Not long now.”
I can’t lose you again.
“Of course you—”
No, that wasn’t the right response. There were tears, but his response didn’t fit in. He thought hard for a moment, as thinking required more concentration than usual. But in stead of speaking, he uttered one long gasp for air, clearing his lungs of the water that had been filling it, if at all it had been water. He opened his eyes, and though his vision was blurred, he saw Emma, her face streaked with tears, except a tenfold more than there had been in the memory he had recalled just then. He wanted to kiss them away, but simply didn’t have the strength to do so. In stead, he uttered the same smile he had given her that day, though his lips were dry and chapped and it required a great deal of effort this time. And then he spoke, his words a mere whisper.
“I’m not goin’ anywhere.”